Civic Coffee Recap: Grief and Loss

On Thursday, Oct. 30, 2025, Age Friendly Seattle partnered with the Seattle Public Library and Providence Elizabeth House to host its monthly Civic Coffee; this month focused on grief and loss. Alice Ryan, assistant teaching professor at the University of Washington School of Social Work and director of the Carol LaMare Program, and Sonja Whittaker, clinical director of The Healing Center, both shared deep insights into grief and loss during the discussion. Emily Billow, the Older Adults Program manager at Seattle Public Library, moderated the panel. 

Ryan says that grief doesn’t always have to be about death. Grief is an emotional response to a separation from something we cared about. Grief can be about a loss of community, job, or housing. It can also be the loss of an identity. Major changes in our life can often bring feelings of grief. Whittaker shares that “it is very likely you will always be a grieving person.” Importantly, Whittaker says, “You are a grieving person. You are also a happy person, a living person, a working person, but you are also a grieving person.” Grief can coexist with other human emotions.

The Healing Center, a mental health service in Seattle, offers online support groups for grieving people. They follow simple group rules to help maintain a supportive, healing environment, that could also be used in supporting loved ones through grief outside the support groups.

1. Confidentiality. What is shared in the meeting stays in the meeting.
2. Don’t give others advice on how to heal. Any way we grieve is okay as long as we are not hurting ourselves or others.
3. Don’t compare yourselves to others. Everyone’s grief journey is personal. It is okay to grieve however you need, as long as you need. Grief takes as long as it takes.

Our society often undervalues old age and wisdom, but Whittaker states that lots of valuable experience comes with grief and loss. Grief is sacred. Grief is natural.

Click on the image above to watch a video recording of the Civic Coffee on Fall Prevention (YouTube, 51:58).

Gaining strength through community

One way to become stronger through grief is to be with people. Grief can be very isolating. Thus, being together even through silence and mundane tasks such as getting groceries can make us feel more connected and supported.

Another way to become stronger through grief is to share and listen to stories about who or what we lost. Stories connect us in our shared humanity. Even if we want to just repeat the same story, it can help us each time. If you are a listening ear, give patience.

Remember to take care of yourself! Ask for help when you need. Give yourself a break when you need. It’s okay to be sad and frustrated, and it’s ok to have bad days.

There is stigma attached to asking for help, but we are meant for attachment. Grief is about telling each other’s stories and listening to each other’s stories. As Ryan’s mother always told her, we have two ears and one mouth, so we should do twice as much listening as talking. It is therapeutic to share and to listen. Each other is our greatest resource.

If you would like to join a support group with The Healing Center, learn how to do so here. Meetings include introductions, check-ins, and a group conversation on shared challenges. Meetings are online via Zoom, free, and 90 minutes long. Whittaker encourages you to come as you are.

Age Friendly Seattle is grateful for Billow, Ryan, and Whittaker for their insights on grief and loss and for Providence Elizabeth House’s partnership in hosting this Civic Coffee event. Watch the online recording here and find out about the upcoming Civic Coffee here. Share this article with a friend to spread the wealth of knowledge. Community gives us strength.

Contributor Sonali Agarwal is an intern with Age Friendly Seattle. She is studying Law, Societies, & Justice and Environmental Studies at the University of Washington. To read more about Civic Coffee and other programs, visit Age Friendly Seattle.